After reaching the goal of my 1st year in chastity I was asked to write a few words on Mindset by Mistress Megara.
So below is a brief synopsis of what mindset is to me rather than an in-depth critical full-scale review.
Mindset for me is catch-all term for a multitude of thoughts and beliefs. It impacts how I think and feel and it also plays an important part in my daily thought processes, and is also pivotal in formulating my attitudes, beliefs and habits.
Before I consciously worked on this, I was content with motivational quotes and sayings from the internet about mindset, goals, overcoming the odds, being the best I can be.
But I came to realise that the benefits of these motivational quotes were temporary. They were good for giving a boost but I always found any inspiration garnered from them was limited and short lived.
I realised that like any other skill, developing and maintaining the right mindset was something I had to take ownership of and work on.
So rather than be passive and rely on others for motivation I was going to take ownership and be accountable for my mindset.
I’ve made many mistakes along the way, went down many blind avenues but these mistakes were an important part of the process and it was important to work through these and not to focus on the failings.
One of overriding things I have found with mindset is that having the correct mindset is never fixed but rather a continually evolving entity where new information and experiences can help strengthen and reinforce existing points and beliefs.
Alternatively, where some new information arises that challenges or contradicts my current belief system and mindset then it is important to objectively review this rather than reject it outright. After a period of objective review if the new information is of merit then it is important to have the courage to review and revise my current thinking and to incorporate this new information into thought process.
In short it is important to realise that there will be setbacks but it is how these are handled. It is important to step back, take an objective look and then re-group, re-work, re-focus and then re-sume.
The above is the theory behind my mindset.
What follows now is an overview of how my mindset impacts my thinking and my life.
Various inputs and experiences have contributed to the development of my mindset so this is personal to me but I will try and keep this as high level as possible and I hope there are some points that you find familiar and can use in your journey to develop a bulletproof mindset.
Three key areas of my live have impacted and contributed to the development of my mindset. University, Work and Exercise
The following summary has been formulated / developed by (1) Years of studying for exams for my various degrees (2) Training and preparing for powerlifting, strongman, bodybuilding events and shows. (3) Various roles I have had in my work career – such as research scientist, analyst, project manager
You will be grateful to know I won’t be going too in-depth with examples as I don’t want to bore you too much.
But before I do it is important to realise the importance of emotion and how it plays an important role in the reinforcement and development of a mindset. Ask yourself whether you work best with positive or negative reinforcement (I find these can change depending on the goal).
Positive reinforcement – think about how good you will feel when you accomplish the goal
Negative reinforcement – think about how bad you will feel if you don’t accomplish goal
Now that the emotional component has been covered back to the practicalities.
I ask myself 3 key questions in almost everything I do or want to achieve.
What do I want to achieve?
Why do I want to achieve it? and
How am I going to achieve it?
Once I have the what and the why I start work on the how and devise a plan on how I am going to achieve the goal.
I have always liked the Quote by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry “A goal without a plan is just a wish” and this is something I always revert back to whenever I am looking to achieve a goal.
I ask myself:
How am I going to achieve this goal?
What steps do I have to put in place? and
What changes do I have to make to my life in order to achieve this goal?
Looking at a goal in its entirety can be daunting and feel unachievable but I find if I break it down into smaller more manageable goals and focus on one day at a time, doing all I can to achieve this daily goal it forms a habit that I work on day after day to move me closer and closer to my end goal.
I focus on that and give myself a pat on the back each day when I achieve my daily goal(s) and this becomes a habit.
One particular approach I like is the 21/90 rule forming a habit that evolves into a lifestyle change.
But there are hundreds of links to the theory and psychology behind and the application of mindset on the Internet, accessible via a quick google search where credit where credit is due people have managed to write screeds of content on what to me is a relatively simple concept.
i.e. Have a goal. Break this down into achievable smaller goals (daily, weekly and or monthly goals) and work on ticking them off as you work towards the end goal.
I am sure that if I had a look there would be other theories but for me this approach works. So, this is the approach I tend to follow.
In short, this boils down to knowing what my overall goal is, and why I want to achieve it and then focusing and committing until the goal is achieved.
Two quick examples to illiterate the points above.
Goal of strength or muscle gain:
This all depends on what training programme I follow. I may devise a programme myself or follow one of the dozens of prescribed programmes that are available online (Westside, Juggernaut, Madcow and Doggcrapp for example). If I devise my own, I will have an end goal which will be broken down into smaller goals. If I follow a prescribed programme, I will commit to following this to letter as these programmes have been around for years and proven to work.
I believe it is important to find a programme that is goal specific, makes sense to me, and that fits in with my life at a particular point in time and then committing to it.
For example, if I am looking to put 10kgs on my bench press or increase my deadlift from 270 to 300kgs I ask myself what do I need to do to achieve this? What is the timeframe I have available to achieve the goal? Then from there I work out a plan / follow a programme to achieve this centred around small incremental gains or improvements moving slowly but steadily towards the larger goal.
Goal of fat or weight loss:
For fat loss bodybuilding adopt a similar approach – what is my planned stage weight / body fat percentage and work out all the necessary calculations and measurements, set up millstones review points. Closely monitor calories consumed on a daily / weekly basis. Periodically take an objective look at progress and ask myself is the plan still working? does the plan need revising? or is the plan no longer fit for purpose and should be scrapped?
Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishments between success and failure. To achieve any worthwhile goal it is important to realise that this will require determination / self-discipline and most of all focus and effort. There will be setbacks but it is important to not get disheartened with any / every setback.
Nothing worthwhile is easy. There will be setbacks and mistakes but it is important to appreciate the lessons these teach you and focus on the solution or the goal not the problem. It is important not to dwell on setbacks but instead learn from these, and use them as a tool to re-focus.
This is perhaps best illustrated with another example and I will use 1 year in chastity as the example as this inspired these ramblings
But first some quick background. I was looking for some way that I could show Mistress Megara that I was worthy of being one of Her subs and chastity is one way that could help with this.
I will be honest and say I did not have any desire to be put in to chastity when I first went to session with Mistress Megara at the start of 2019, it is something that never even crossed my mind. It is something that grew organically.
In a session about a month prior to start of year long stint I had my first experience of chastity and whilst this experience was new and challenging it ended after 3 weeks when I had to go abroad for work for a week. Did I enjoy this first period in chastity? – honestly no. The reason for this was my mindset wasn’t right. I focused on the negatives and the problems too much and I was relieved when it was over.
Whilst away on my work trip I really thought about this, about the practicalities, the potential problems and I once I got it clear in my mind, I realised this was something I could do.
On return from the work trip I had my next session a few days later and was back in chastity and have been ever since.
The goal at the start was never to commit to a year. The cage was put back on during the session and I kept this on between session with Mistress regularly checking on my progress to make sure I was OK.
I will be honest and say I had some concerns about longer periods in chastity but these were quickly diminished. The first was do with cleaning but this was easily solved. The next problem concerned how this would impact me physically but again this was quickly answered. I don’t want to be crude but waking up some days with morning wood or getting a reaction whilst viewing a clips is reassuring that things are still working down there – this is still the case thankfully .
Once my 2 main concerns were addressed it was just a case of getting my thoughts aligned to accepting my new reality. There have been regular frustrations but these were expected I just remind myself why I am putting myself through this and who I am doing it for.
I am sure you will be wondering if I have been caught out and if cage has been discovered by anyone. Thankfully the answer is no but there have been a few close calls. (1) When I forgot I was wearing the cage in a gym locker room – I’ve never moved so fast to cover myself with a towel. (2) When I got called in for a random drug and alcohol test in work and the toilet was blocked off and I had to urinate standing up for the first time in months but thankfully I managed this without making a mess and being discovered
One final thought before I go.
For me taking ownership and being accountable for my mindset has been a vital component for any success I have had in my life. It has allowed me to meet the challenges that I face in life and it has given me discipline and structure in my life.