sub or slave – what is the difference and can they transition?

sub or slave – what is the difference and can they transition?

Sub or slave…

A question I am often asked and this depends really on the level of commitment from a ‘bottom’ and the motivation behind their kinks…

To me, a sub is someone who has predetermined limits. In a professional setting they are interested in having their kinks satisfied and their fantasies come to life. The submissive will happily submit to their Mistress but on their terms. This begs the question then, who is the submissive in this session? You see, the Dominant in this scenario is dominating but in a submissive manner. Hate on me all you want for saying this but we are merely a vessel through which the submissive lives out his or her fantasy. Sure, we consent to carrying out their wishes but ultimately it is the sub who leaves that little bit more satisfied and fulfilled. Of course we put our particular spin on whichever play activities take place during the scene and use a creative license to make sure the kink scene is as fulfilling, memorable and imaginative as possible so the sub will leave with an ache for more. A craving to submit to this particular Mistress again and again.

I enjoy these types of sessions as these are usually the ones which help me to grow and progress as a Dominatrix. The ideas I am presented with can be outrageous and at times baffling but so long as they don’t fall outwith my limits I am happy to go with them and make the scene my own. For¬†example, submissive sends in a detailed scenario. There could be a particular outfit he wishes Mistress to wear, sometimes a script to accompany their roleplay which includes trigger words or key phrases to be used for their humiliation to add authenticity and facilitate arousal, corporal punishment (if applicable) comes with a set implement or number of strokes or both etc etc… You can see how the scene can be constrictive and how the dominatrix is then dominating but in a submissive manner because they are carrying out the wishes of the submissive.

Slaves on the other hand are far more amenable. A slave will do just about anything to please his or her Mistress. The drive is to please, to serve, to facilitate the life of his or her’s Domme. This could be something that comes about with time, a history of communication and a building of trust between a former sub and Mistress that no harm will come to them by giving themselves fully, it could be from the get go (although I feel this is unrealistic and unwise – see My blob about safe, sane and consensual for my view on the importance of building slowly and communicating) or not at all.

I equally love these sessions as, to me, this indicates a bond. A deeper connection between Dominatrix and sub which has developed over time. A feeling akin to transitioning from casual dating to a proper relationship based on mutual respect, trust and understanding. Lovely. Knowing I have a sub willing to do whatever it takes to make me happy conjures up a feeling of responsibility to ensure I also look after this person’s physical and mental welfare be it through pushing boundaries or reigning them in when I feel they are overreaching their capabilities. A fine balance to achieve and much more likely to attract an atmosphere of reward than punishment.

So can a sub transition to slave? Well this depends entirely on the individual and who their dominant is, how they relate, the level of honest, open communication and trust they have built up. It does not happen overnight and if it does, I fear it may be superficial. A sub masquerading as a slave is never good and sets both up for problems with resistance from both sides and an unhappy ending.

So, in order for this to truly take place, there needs to be all that fluffy stuff I keep harping on about. Get to know each other, spend time, earn each others trust and communicate openly and honestly at all times. Do these things and you’ll find yourself in blissful, D/s matrimony before long…

I’ll get onto collars in my next blog though…

Thank you for reading…

Megara x