The Strengths (and Weaknesses) of Dommes and subs

After a great deal of pontification and contusion I have decided to put my thoughts into words regarding strengths and weaknesses, perceived and actual. I would like to address this the only way I know how, scientifically with a dash of emotion… (Yes, I do have a heart in there somewhere… Tell NOONE). I understand there will be differing opinions but that is the whole fucking point – discussion, talking, ideas, ideals, opinions, agreements, disagreements and everything in between. And, I love you for it. Your passion and fire for kink keeps that fire in my belly. I would like to note that I write this with a cat yelling in my ear (who I am unequivocably weak for) and a demolition happening next door (which I’m using all my bloody strength to ignore).

Strength…

Strength, by google definition can be a combination of states…

“The quality or state of being physically strong”

Either via training or being blessed with a naturally strong body, physical strength is something that can be achieved Physical strength is quantifiable, relative and measurable. Physical strength is actual strength. Sure, measurable strength can be perceived via steroid laden aesthetics trainers. However, roid-free bodybuilders and powerlifters will usually out lift these peeps and we all too often see them stop the steroids and get fat. I can’t say I am disappointed when this happens. Muahaha. Some Dommes are remarkably physically weak but possess the strength of mind and will to bring down an entire Army, conversely, some subs would easily physically overpower a Mistress yet cower at the sight of a cane or the mention of a buttplug. Physical strength, in my opinion, is arbitrary. Unless you are fetching my shopping – one trip with ALL the bags or just don’t bother.

“The influence or power possessed by a person, organization, or country”

Whoa – now this is an interesting one. Influence… Power… Words one would associate automatically with a Dominant… Yes. But how about the subs who I mentioned in my blog ‘Sub V Slaves‘ who influence the session content right up until the session takes place and the Dominant takes over? What about the possession of an all powerful safe word capable of ending a session dead? I’ll leave this with you to mull over…

“The degree of intensity of a feeling or belief/the extent to which an argument or case is sound or convincing/the potency, intensity, or speed of a force or natural agency”

Everyone has at least one strong belief in something or can argue a case effectively in something they feel passionate about. Be it large scale, prudent issues such as religion, their opinion on gay marriage, or smaller issues like whether chocolate belongs in cheesecake or how often jeans should be washed… How does this apply to kink? In order to deliver a session, confidently, to the best of your ability and in a safe, sane and consensual manner a Dominant has to believe in Her/Himself, the practices of aseptic technique, health, safety and hygiene (and their ability to use them) and in the subs ability to withstand the punishment or humiliation etc they are about to dish out. They have to believe that what they are doing is right, just amd in the best interests of their sub (otherwise it is just plain old veiled abuse again – cough50shadescough) The sub/slave has to believe in their Mistress/Master as a superior, a guide, a confidant, a protector and carer in order to feel safe and build that trust. This strength, I believe, is symbiotic – one cannot survive without the other.

“The capacity of an object or substance to withstand great force or pressure/the potency or degree of concentration of a drug, chemical, or drink”

Ok the first part is synergistic with the second and also, one of my favourite types of strength and one which generally applies to the sub or slave so go ahead, give yourself a big celebratory pat on the back (a hard one mind) for taking some pain. You rock. You are awesome and you are tougher than I could ever dream to be in that capacity. Having trained with fighters and bodybuilders who could not hope to match your capacity or endurance, I kow who I would rather meet in a dark alley. Thankfully, your capacity strength allows me, as a Dominant, to use my physical strength and belief in you and my own capabilities to take you to hell and back via whichever implement I see fit. Fucking yey for masochistic subs. Yey. Yey. Yey. The second part is what gets you through and makes this enjoyable – endorphin and hormonal responses. The strength of which you have coursing through your body, of course, determining just how much you can withstand. As a Dominant, I experience a rush but nothing like that glazed over expression, dribbling over your own beard and forgetting your own name that subs get. So you win this one. Go you!

“A good or beneficial quality or attribute of a person or thing”

We both have those. I won’t labour this but one thing I do look for in a sub is individuality. I want to know your strengths and talents (your beneficial qualities) and use these accordingly. No point having a mechanic making tea and giving half arsed foot rubs every time while my car needs a service. Similarly, how can I punish you if you have no opportunity to fuck up? All part of my evil game plan.

“The number of people comprising a group, typically a team or army”

Be it forced bi in a group or a quadruple Domme session, there is strength in numbers. No more required on this.

So, you see, strength can be applied to both Dominants ans submissives in a variety of ways. Find yours and exploit this in yourself. Work on your weaknesses…

Weakness…

“The state or condition of being weak”

See physical strength above. This can be actual or perceived. A 7′ tall man, tied to a cross with sore nuts, eating a bowl of poop – is still a 7′ man. A 5′ Domme who can’t get a 3kg dumbbell over her head yet has said man tied to Her cross – is still a 5’ Domme who can’t get a 3kg dumbbell over Her head. What makes them weak are two different things. One is actual weakness (Domme) and one is perceived weakness (sub) and these can be interchanged at a moments notice. Therein lies the danger in a pro-Domme’s job and therein also lies the beauty of trust, communication and consent.

“A disadvantage or fault”

This is one area that any true Dominant can expertly draw out and use to His/Her advantage. Predicament play is one obvious area where putting a sub at a disadvantage works extraordinarily well. The sub is put into a physical or mental predicament where they are at a decided disadvantage. To the amusement of the Dominant. Subs – you win this one. Us Dominants are always right… 😉

“A person or thing that one is unable to resist or likes excessively”

A weakness in both Dominants and submissives. A sub may to be able to resist their Mistress/Master’s wants and desires but a Mistress also has a need and desire to be served or an itch for expensive chocolates, foot rubs, Domme Trips or car servicing that must simply be scratched. This is where communication, strength matching and looking at “A good or beneficial quality or attribute of a person or thing” becomes important. One person’s weakness can be filled by another’s strength and vice versa. I’ll happily boot your balls back inside your body for a tribute or the use of a much needed skill so as a sub, find ways to be useful and as a Dominant, (if you don’t do this already) find out about your subs and how to use them to your advantage. A little synergy goes a long way in building a long lasting, happy D/s relationship.

Hopefully this wasn’t too laborious a read but I just felt like I should define these traits in depth. I’m way over the word count for a blog piece but I hope you enjoyed this anyway. Give me your thoughts via email mistressmegara@hotmail.co.uk or twitter @megarafurie – I’m all ears.

Love. Megara xxx